So now I am at the lappie.finally?whatever.
now that I'm finally alone,I guess I can finally be myself. and emote.
I am so sick of pretending to be happy,sick of pretending that I'm so over him.
well,come to think about it,it's not like I really miss him.or something.It's just that it feels as if everything was my fault,and I lost someone whom I really dependent on.really not for much,just contact,I suppose.I am really vicious,I'm aware of that,but I'm so sorry as well,cause I just gotta vent it all out.and if you are reading this,I'm sorry.but I don't care anymore.why should I?you make me feel like such crap on tuesday.Like i was the worst thing you ever was with.yes.I know I was a waste of your time.BUT.I warned you beforehand.before everything started.did you forget it?or do you choose to override that?I said I am neurotic.clingy. different from others in the most negative ways.you said it didn't matter.LOVE will change everything.you will make it work.what happened in the end?our supposed LOVE died.it dried out,I suppose.love is nothing,never will change anything.because if we truly love someone,we won't change them.because if we have to change anything,it only serves to show that we love people not for who they are,but for the potential that we can exploit out of them.and that is not LOVE.that is INFACTUATION.because we place them on a high pedestral.AND expect them to live up to it.But people are individuals.they do not operate on command.get yourself a robot,if that's what you want.A false sense of control.you ain't nothing till you don't judge others;cause what gave you the right to do so anyway?and please,I DID TRY to be understanding. DON'T MAGLIN ME.find other faults,that is out of the question.I mean,find me a girl in a relationship that can stand her guy not communicating with her.for like four days at a stretch.No calls,no emails,not even an sms.and when she sees her guy online,but he's never free to initiate conversations with her anymore?after a year? and the letters that stopped months after they got together?The spark that was there, it was supposed to be maintained.It should not be taken that it will stay for good.For man has to work hard for what he wants;and it takes two hands to clap. A relationship can't go on if either party refuses to work on it.



not meant to be;
unrequited love.

Amandaz;[26101991]
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